Why Am I Never Asked to Speak at Commencement Ceremonies?

Anyone who knows me, even vaguely, knows I love to talk. Often i even have intelligent and sometimes astonishingly insightful things to say. So, why have I never been asked to speak at any commencement ceremonies, even for Middle School. I like to think it's because the responsible parties don't know me. Looking at some of the more recent people who have been asked to speak at these ceremonies, a convicted murderer for example, or those who spew vitriolic slogans and anti-what-ever-the-hell is the latest soup de jour in anti-Western politics; I truly fail to see how they could do any worse with me as the speaker. I feel it's time to prepare for one of these invitations to speak to a group of young people who should have absolutely everything in life to look forward to ahead of them. My speech would go something like this: (I'll leave off all the introductions and endless honored guests and thanks yous, because, honestly, isn't that the most boring ten minutes of any speech that only delays the time until you can escape and go eat?) 'To those of you sitting in front of me today I say congratulations on your accomplishment. The easy part in life is now behind you. Note that I said accomplishment, singular. Because that is what this is. Most of you have not had to work while going to school. Maybe some of you a few hours part time. And make no mistake, school has not been "your job". Believe me when I tell you that no employer would allow you multiple chances to make up work, be late,or have a meeting with your parents to discuss your performance.' 'The world for you is going to change in eye opening ways. Do not be afraid, it is merely reality. And in this reality,no one out there, beyond your family,will allow you to get away with an entitlement attitude. You see, the rest of the people of this country helped pay for your education every step of the way. They don't think they owe you anything. In fact they are expecting a little bit in return from you.' 'The most important thing I want to say to you is this. On your worst day, you will never have it as bad or as hard as your ancestors.' 'I ask you to remember that each and every time you see or hear rants about the country and the people who supported you so you could be where you are today. Do not compare this country or it's people to some ideological near mythical society that does not exist anyplace on Earth.' 'Rather, pause in your passion and think about those who sacrificed to found this way of life in a new country. The desperate environment they left was not as harsh as the one they faced when they arrived on these shores. They prevailed. Think about the fight to make freedom more than wishful thinking of the poor and downtrodden. And you will never be as poor or as downtrodden as they were. They prevailed. Think about the terrible struggles to make equality a reality for all Americans regardless of race, religion or gender. And none of you will ever face the hate or the forced and humiliating segregation of those people. They prevailed.' 'Do not let the few who cannot see that any society is a work in progress, and that the most progress is possible only because freedom allows it to evolve, make you change your dreams. You will not prevail. You will only become bitter and resentful.' 'Lastly, I would quote from one of our Presidents, in one of the most stirring Inaugural Addresses of recent history. President Kennedy said; "Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country".